Get It Right

In 2008, a black man named Jewel Woods posted a blog entitled “The Black Male Privileges Checklist“, which lists the different ways in which black men are privileged at the expense of black women. I, however, see this as a list that paints black women as phantom social victims of a non-existent oppressor at each turn. I have looked through the list, and I have given my input on each of the issues, explaining why I either do or don’t agree with the stated point. Warning: he lists 94 points, so this will be a long list).

The Black Male Privileges Checklist

Leadership & Politics
1. I don’t have to choose my race over my sex in political matters.
I don’t see what point this issue is seeking to prove, in addition to the fact that other minorities face this same issue.

2. When I read African American History textbooks, I will learn mainly about black men.
Mainly learning about a particular gender does not limit the availability of the information available, and honestly, if you polled most Afro-Am people, they wouldn’t be able to properly cite most of the celebrated Afro-Am figures.

3. When I learn about the Civil Rights Movement & the Black Power Movements, most of the leaders that I will learn about will be black men.
See above.

4. I can rely on the fact that in the near 100-year history of national civil rights organizations such as the NAACP and the Urban League, virtually all of the executive directors have been male.
This has nothing to do with any kind of black male privilege. To fully validate this claim would be to minimize the contributions of Condoleeza Rice, who was the first African-American female Secretary of State. Just because the exec’s have been male, it does not infer female exclusion.

5. I will be taken more seriously as a political leader than black women.
This is more of a subjective opinion than an actual fact. I’m sure most people take Maxine Waters FAR more seriously than they do Marion Barry.

6. Despite the substantial role that black women played in the Civil Rights Movement and Black Power Movement, currently there is no black female that is considered a “race leader”.
This cannot be refuted without elaborating on what a “race leader” is. In the days of the Civil Rights Movement, there was a united focus on the COLLECTIVE rise of Afro-Am’s, which negates the need for a “race leader”.

7. I can live my life without ever having read black feminist authors, or knowing about black women’s history, or black women’s issues.
You can do that, just as you can with black male authors. This is more a lifestyle choice than a condition forced upon you.

8. I can be a part of a black liberation organization like the Black Panther Party where an “out” rapist Eldridge Cleaver can assume leadership position.
You can also CHOOSE to be a part of NAMBLA, where the men in that organization have been heavily criticized and accused of being pedophiles. Martin Luther King cheated on his wife. Every group has bad apples, and every leader is imperfect. It doesn’t stop you from your choice to support the groups that align with your ideals.

9. I will make more money than black women at equal levels of education and occupation.
This is not an Afro-Am centric issue. Women of all ethnicities have been voicing their discontent on this issue.

10. Most of the national “opinion framers” in Black America including talk show hosts and politicians are men.
In this case, I pay attention to the fact that the gentleman used the word “most” instead of “most influential”. Quantity does not equal quality. The most powerful and influential talk show host in the world (of ANY race) is Oprah Winfrey.

Beauty

11. I have the ability to define black women’s beauty by European standards in terms of skin tone, hair, and body size. In comparison, black women rarely define me by European standards of beauty in terms of skin tone, hair, or body size.
This has less to do with Afro-Am’s, as much as it has to do with the attraction principles in the United States. Men are attracted to youth and beauty, women are attracted to security and stability. This is true for all races.

12. I do not have to worry about the daily hassles of having my hair conforming to any standard image of beauty the way black women do.
A black woman is under no requirements to alter her hair any way she chooses not to. You cannot imply that outward pressure will trigger inward guilt.

13. I do not have to worry about the daily hassles of being terrorized by the fear of gaining weight. In fact, in many instances bigger is better for my sex.
This is not an Afro-Am issue. In this country, an overweight man with money and status can still find an attractive, slender woman to marry (regardless of race). Again, this is an issue that women of ALL races face, but the black woman’s “hassles” are more broadcast.

14. My looks will not be the central standard by which my worth is valued by members of the opposite sex.
See above.
Sex & Sexuality

15. I can purchase pornography that typically shows men defile women by the common practice of the “money shot.”
I’m very offended by the implication that pornography “defiles” women. I have spoken with PLENTY women who say they ENJOY (in some cases, PREFER) money shots, facials, pearl necklaces, etc. Unless there is an illegal rape scenario being perpetuated, the parties involved are all consenting. Before every porn shoot, the actresses are videotaped holding 2 forms of ID, confirming ON CAMERA that they have not been coerced to do anything against their will. You’re not a victim, you’re a volunteer. Also, this is not an Afro-Am specific issue.

16. I can believe that causing pain during sex is connected with a woman’s pleasure without ever asking her.
This is not an Afro-Am specific issue. This also sounds like the mindset of a rapist.
 Rape is not a privilege. End of story.

17. I have the privilege of not wanting to be a virgin, but preferring that my wife or significant other be a virgin.
This points more towards male ego than black male privilege. A lot of men enjoy having sex with women, but they are self-conscious about how many men the woman has been with. Most men struggle with this hypocrisy, and there is a very simple solution to it: men should stop asking about the women’s sexual history.

18. When it comes to sex if I say “No”, chances are that it will not be mistaken for “Yes”.
This is not an Afro-Am specific issue. While I agree that no should mean no, there are women who play the hard-to-get role for the rush and excitement of the chase, where “no” ACTUALLY means “try harder”. Again, not agreeing, just explaining. If you say no, ACT LIKE you said no.

19. If I am raped, no one will assume that “I should have known better” or suggest that my being raped had something to do with how I was dressed.
Not an Afro-Am issue. Rape is NEVER the victim’s fault, and NO man has the right to force himself on a woman after she’s said no, REGARDLESS of race.

20. I can use sexist language like bonin’, laying the pipe, hittin-it, and banging that convey images of sexual acts based on dominance and performance.
Most men view sex as an act of dominance, so where a black man may say “laying the pipe”, a white guy may say “fucked”. A lot of women view sex as an act of submission, using terms like “gave him the goods”. It’s not just Afro-Am’s. It’s the view of the act across gender lines.

21. I can live in a world where polygamy is still an option for men in the United States as well as around the world.
The United States (more specifically American blacks) have adopted the Judeo-Christian way of thinking, in which the rule book (the Bible) had MANY cases of polygamy in it. Different cultures have different customs. If another religion is created where women are allowed to have multiple husbands, and men adopt that religion, then this concept will change.

22. In general, I prefer being involved with younger women socially and sexually.
Conversely, there are a lot of women (of all races) that prefer older men, due to their financial stability, maturity, and social consistency. You cannot mention one, while ignoring the other.

23. In general, the more sexual partners that I have the more stature I receive among my peers.
This is not an Afro-Am centric issue. Where men brag on the number of guys they’ve slept with, I’ve heard many circles where women brag on WHO they slept with. Again, it’s a gender thing, not a race thing.

24. I have easy access to pornography that involves virtually any category of sex where men degrade women, often young women.
This is another issue that falsely implies that pornography happens against the will of the women involved. If a woman enjoys a sexual act that is outside of the “norm” behind closed doors, is she ALLOWED to do that? If so, why can’t she sign to willingly perform the act on camera for financial profit?

25. I have the privilege of being a part of a sex where “purity balls” apply to girls but not to boys.
I don’t understand the concept of purity balls at all, so I guess I will have to agree with you here by default.

26. When I consume pornography, I can gain pleasure from images and sounds of men causing women pain.
There are also women who gain pleasure from these images, as well. Furthermore, there is a greater market for different KINDS of women (BBW, pregnant, she-male, little person), whereas most men have “physical requirements” that they must meet in order to be remotely successful in the pornographic industry. If you CHOOSE that kind of pornography, you choose it because you enjoy it. Most pornography is made for men, while most sex toys are made for women. I don’t understand the point you’re trying to make.
Popular Culture

27. I come from a tradition of humor that is based largely on insulting and disrespecting women; especially mothers.
Greater than that, the humor is largely based on highlighting the failures of the African-American race (lazy, late to work, multiple children, poor posture, language, and defiance, to name a few). This is not a BMP issue.

28. I have the privilege of not having black women, dress up and play funny characters- often overweight- that are supposed to look like me for the entire nation to laugh.
More than that have been black men who have dressed up as women (black AND white) for the nation to laugh. This image more emasculates the black man and makes them look weaker in the public eye.

29. When I go to the movies, I know that most of the leads in black films are men. I also know that all of the action heroes in black film are men.
In order for there to be more Afro-Am leading ladies, there must be more ladies that take the craft of acting seriously. There have been multiple stories of black producers and directors wanting to hire black female talent, but they weren’t as dedicated to the craft. It is HIGHLY illogical to cast black women JUST BECAUSE they’re black women.

30. I can easily imagine that most of the artists in Hip Hop are members of my sex.
This is not a BMP issue, as much as it is that hip-hop is a predominantly male genre. Again, most doesn’t imply quality.

31. I can easily imagine that most of the women that appear in Hip Hop videos are there solely to please men.
I go back to “you’re not a victim, you’re a volunteer”. A lot of these women hope to either get attention from appearing in these videos or to use it to springboard into legit modeling work. These women make conscious efforts to be a part of these video shoots.

32. Most of lyrics I listen to in hip-hop perpetuate the ideas of males dominating women, sexually and socially.
This is the case because that is the music that sells the most, and hip-hop is a business at the end of the day. Artists want to make money, and there are, unfortunately, more hip-hoppers that will sell out their own morals to become successful and famous. Also, most music is purchased by women, and most hip-hop is purchased by whites.

33. I have the privilege of consuming and popularizing the word pimp, which is based on the exploitation of women with virtually no opposition from other men.
This point is made, while Teraji P. Henson is on camera, singing “It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp”. Terrance Howard wasn’t a pimp, and neither are 99% of the rappers that claim it in their songs. Hip-hop also often glamorizes violent victimization of other black men, with virtually no opposition from ANYBODY. I would rather somebody be my pimp than be in somebody’s cemetery.

34. I can hear and use language bitches and hoes that demean women, with virtually no opposition from men.
You cannot say this without highlighting that women call each other “bitch” and “ho” in their own circles all the time. This doesn’t make one more right than the other, but unless you’re pulling the “nigga” card (a word that the “victimized” group can say, but the “victimizing” group cannot), I don’t see the correlation you’re making here. Also, men of all races are guilty of this utterance.

35. I can wear a shirt that others and I commonly refer to as a “wife beater” and never have the language challenged.
This is only the case if you are living in an environment where failure is glamorized and nobody expects anything more out of you. A lot of men call the shirt a “wife beater” out of hipness, rather than a point of dominance and oppression.

36. Many of my favorite movies include images of strength that do not include members of the opposite sex and often are based on violence.
These are often images of black men killing each other, which does NOBODY any good.

37. Many of my favorite genres of films, such as martial arts, are based on violence.
This may be YOUR favorite genre, but by and large, Afro-Am’s lean more towards dramas and comedies. Even so, martial arts is an Asian dominated culture, which has nothing to do with male privilege, let alone BLACK male privilege. You can watch whatever movie you want.

38. I have the privilege of popularizing or consuming the idea of a thug, which is based on the violence and victimization of others with virtually no opposition from other men.
A lot of guys glamorize this image because there is a market of women that are attracted to this image of a man. Women (of ALL races) like the “bad boy”, and in the African-American culture, the “thug” IS the bad boy. I PROMISE you if women stop finding that attractive, that image will not be as popular.

Attitudes/Ideology

39. I have the privilege to define black women as having “an attitude” without referencing the range of attitudes that black women have.
“An attitude” describes a particular range of emotional/social behaviors that are not uniquely esoteric to one particular race. There are plenty Afro-Am women who do NOT have “an attitude”, and thusly, are not accused of it. If a person, regardless of race, color, or creed, exhibits the traits of “an attitude”, I see nothing wrong with calling a spade a spade. I do, however, feel that Afro-Am women are disproportionately represented in this area, but you cannot force a person to behave in a manner they do not wish to behave in. The way you behave is totally within your control.

40. I have the privilege of defining black women’s attitudes without defining my attitudes as a black man.
I cannot agree with this from a racial or privilege standpoint, on the basis that nothing about the way this principle is described limits it to Afro-Am’s OR males. Females define men’s actions without admitting to their own all the time. I don’t see any “privilege” on one side or the other.

41. I can believe that the success of the black family is dependent on returning men to their historical place within the family, rather than in promoting policies that strengthen black women’s independence, or that provide social benefits to black children.
Reading this almost sounds like you’re condoning the absence of the father in today’s black family, which plays the biggest part in what has spiraled our beautiful culture into the state of disarray that it’s currently in. Policies that are ALREADY in place (Section 8, food stamps, and child support, for example) strengthen the black woman’s (mother’s) “independent” (fatherless) state of being, while aimed at benefiting that woman’s children. In the “golden age of African-Americans”, fathers were PRESENT and LEADERS in their respective communities. Studies time and time again have shown that productive children are raised in homes where the father AND mother are present. I’m not sure what kind of black man shares this belief, but I’m sure he is not focused on the upward mobility of America’s black family.

42. I have the privilege of believing that a woman cannot raise a son to be a man.
This is JUST as true as the saying that “a man cannot raise a daughter to be a mother”. This is another case of making one point without acknowledging its counterpart. Neither side is at an advantage.

43. I have the privilege of believing that a woman must submit to her man.
Again, this is less a BMP, as much as it is the abiding of Christian doctrine. Other races seem to not have a problem with this issue, but Afro-Am’s, who have most bought into the belief that core Christian values are a barometer for ethics and integrity, choose to fight this key tenant of the Christian household. If we choose to buy into a religious lifestyle, we cannot pick and choose what we will and won’t do.

44. I have the privilege of believing that before slavery gender relationships between black men and women were perfect.
I….don’t know who told you this, but I doubt ANYBODY thinks this is true.

45. I have the privilege of believing that feminism is anti-black.
I don’t know any black men (including myself) who believe this to be the case.

46. I have the privilege of believing that the failure of the black family is due to the black matriarchy.
If you’re lying to yourself, this is true. The failure of the black family is the absence of a key half of the black family: the father. Half of an airplane can’t fly on its own. It’s not black women leading black families that is the problem. It’s black women leading black families ALONE.

47. I have the privilege of believing that household responsibilities are women’s roles.
Men of all races share this belief, due to the traditional gender roles that were set forth in the days of the birth of the nuclear family. In those days, most women didn’t have jobs, and being a housewife became their trade. Now, women go out to work to bring in more money for the family, and men assist in domestic duties. Also, I can BELIEVE whatever I want. If I do not have a woman who agrees with these views, I will not have that woman.

48. I have the privilege of believing that black women are different sexually than other women and judging them negatively based on this belief.
I don’t understand what this is saying, so I cannot comment on it. I have not found that black women are any different sexually than any other race, and judging them negatively based on it is just ludicrous.

Sports

49. I will make significantly more money as a professional athlete than members of the opposite sex will.
Normally, this is due to the amount of money that different sports generate. Taking professional basketball, for example, more money comes into the NBA than the WNBA. This is not a privilege. This is a factor of a corporation’s income. Female athletes cannot be paid with money that isn’t there. Also, this is not an Afro-Am issue.

50. In school, girls are cheerleaders for male athletes, but there is no such role for males to cheerlead for women athletes.
There are PLENTY male cheerleaders, and I cannot think of A woman’s sport that would REQUIRE cheerleaders, so I cannot validate this argument (also, not just Afro-Am).

51. My financial success or popularity as a professional athlete will not be associated with my looks.
This goes back to the issue of men being attracted to a woman’s beauty. If a man has an option of seeing a male athlete playing elite tennis or seeing a female athlete playing elite tennis in a tennis skirt, the tennis skirt will be what attracts the men to watching that female athlete. Conversely, I know of TONS of (black) women who don’t know the first thing about football, but will cheer on their favorite athlete because he’s sexy looking. There are also women who won’t give an athlete a second look if he isn’t a starter or a mainstay in the public eye. This is not a privilege thing. Recognizable faces/features will get preferential treatment. It’s a facet of advertising (also not an Afro-Am issue).

52. I can talk about sports or spend large portions of the day playing video games while women are most likely involved with household or childcare duties.
This is more an occurrence in households where this is an accepted form of behavior. If the two parties involved agree to play these roles, they are not victims, they’re volunteers (also not an Afro-Am issue).

53. I can spend endless hours watching sports TV and have it considered natural.
This is not an Afro-Am only issue.

54. I can touch, hug, or be emotionally expressive with other men while watching sports without observers perceiving this behavior as sexual.
As this may have factual basis, if this same expression occurred OUTSIDE of the realm of sports, those men would be branded as being “suspect”, which in the Afro-Am community, spells societal death and exile. Women (of all races) are allowed to engage in whatever female-female contact, with the freedom to hop in and out of homosexual circles, should they choose to do so. On this one, I would say there is a (black) woman privilege.

55. I know that most sports analysts are male.
Most sports analysts are also white, which would speak more to a WHITE male privilege than a black male privilege. Also, this is no indication of how many women WANT to become sports analysts, so you cannot say that this is an indication of any particular privilege on the part of MEN, let alone black men.

56. If I am a coach, I can motivate, punish, or embarrass a player by saying that the player plays like a girl.
This is an ignorant thing for ANYONE to say. In the black community, a male being perceived as being girly or homosexual is the worst thing you can become (as it goes against a Christian tenant), so naturally, most black males will be motivated by these taunts to “be manly” and physically excel. Nobody is privileged in a situation that this occurs.

57. Most sports talk show hosts that are members of my race are men.
Refer to my response of principle 55.

58. I can rest assured that most of the coaches -even in predominately-female sports within my race are male.
This is not a BMP. If a female coach is qualified and is selected to coach, she will coach.

59. I am able to play sports outside without my shirt on and it not be considered a problem.
This question is not only REACHING, but it speaks to biology, rather than social construct. A female can wear a sports bra and play sports outside if she chooses.

60. I am essentially able to do anything inside or outside without my shirt on, whereas women are always required to cover up.
Again, this is more a factor of American social decency principles than privilege.
Diaspora/Global

61. I have the privilege of being a part of a sex where the mutilation and disfigurement of a girl’s genitalia is used to deny her sexual sensations or to protect her virginity for males.
This point is not only reaching, but it gives NO mention to governments where male homosexuality is illegal, and inflammatory remarks against male gay men are commonplace.

62. I have the privilege of not having rape be used as a primary tactic or tool to terrorize my sex during war and times of conflict.
Rape is not a privilege. End of story.

63. I have the privilege of not being able to name one female leader in Africa or Asia, past or present, that I pay homage to the way I do male leaders in Africa and/or Asia.
This is where trailblazers come into play. There was a time in the United States where you couldn’t name a black leader of ANY gender, but through trailblazers over the years, we now have that privilege. If those societies elect for that in those continents, it will happen in time.

64. I have the ability to travel around the world and have access to women in developing countries both sexually and socially.
Women have this option as well, but, outside of tropical islands, most choose not to exercise it. You are not privileged because another group chooses not to utilize their options.

65. I have the privilege of being a part of the sex that starts wars and that wields control of almost all the existing weapons of war and mass destruction.
This is not a BMP, and furthermore, this has been a blunders trait that most WHITE leaders have used. Starting wars is not a privilege.
College

66. In college, I will have the opportunity to date outside of the race at a much higher rate than black women will.
This has less to do with black men, as much as it does the men of other races. It takes TWO yes’s to begin a relationship. If men of other races choose not to date black women, that is not the black man’s fault, nor does it pose an advantage to black men, as there are many races that look DOWN upon women who date American black men.

67. I have the privilege of having the phrase “sewing my wild oats” apply to my sex as if it were natural.
This phrase is applied because it’s true as male ANIMALS. Part of the physiological makeup of male animals is the desire to impregnate females, with which to prolong the existence of the species. The fact that humans not only have brains that allow choice allows us to FOCUS on the fact that males have a desire to procreate with multiple females. I don’t know why this would be considered a privilege.

68. I know that the further I go in education the more success I will have with women.
This is just as true as a woman saying the more beautiful she is, the more success she will have with men. Again, you can’t focus on one side and ignore the other.

69. In college, black male professors will be involved in interracial marriages at much higher rates than members of the opposite sex will.
This sounds like an assumption, so I will not bother with this.

70. By the time I enter college, and even through college, I have the privilege of not having to worry whether I will be able to marry a black woman.
This assumes that specifically black women enter college with these woes. Why you would feel privileged about this is beyond me.

71. In college, I will experience a level of status and prestige that is not offered to black women even though black women may outnumber me and out perform me academically.
This principle doesn’t explain what this status and prestige is interpreted through, so I cannot validate this with a response. I CAN, however, list a social situation (Greek organizations) in which the status and prestige of men and women are EQUAL.

72. If I go to an HBCU, I will have incredible opportunities to exploit black women.
This would be a privilege to a person who preys on black women, and not all men are predators. This reach leans more towards the “Black Woman Vicimization Syndrome” than BMP.
Communication/Language

73. What is defined as “News” in Black America is defined by men.
This is also true in other races. Not a BMP issue.

74. I can choose to be emotionally withdrawn and not communicate in a relationships and it be considered unfortunate but normal.
This occurs because most women accept this behavior from men and don’t question it. This is not a BMP. Being an emotional recluse with someone you’re committed to is a foolish act and will lead to the destruction of the relationship.

75. I can dismissively refer to another persons grievances as bitching.
If a black man were to do this, not only would the woman call his grievances bitching, but he’d be ousted for “acting like a little bitch”. Nobody wins in a scenario like this.

76. I have the privilege of not knowing what words and concepts like patriarchy, phallocentric, complicity, colluding, and obfuscation mean.
Ignorance is ignorance, regardless of color or gender. End of story.
Relationships

77. I have the privilege of marrying outside of the race at a much higher rate than black women marry.
This one I agree with.

78. My “strength” as a man is never connected with the failure of the black family, whereas the strength of black women is routinely associated with the failure of the black family.
The absence/abuse of a father in the black family is not strength, and it is connected with the failure of the black family all the time. Single mothers of ANY race are normally not looked at the same as a mother with an active father.

79. If I am considering a divorce, I know that I have substantially more marriage, and cohabitation options than my spouse.
You also stand to be at a significant financial, custodial, and resourceful disadvantage, especially if you have children together. If you’re more concerned with the future possibilities of bodies in your bed than the destruction of the relationship you’re leaving as you’re getting divorced, you deserve to be divorced. That said, this would be a MALE privilege, not a BMP.

80. Chances are I will be defined as a “good man” by things I do not do as much as what I do. If I don’t beat, cheat, or lie, then I am a considered a “good man”. In comparison, women are rarely defined as “good women” based on what they do not do.
A “good man” is measured by the woman making the claim. If this is a privilege, it is because women have made it so. Men are external, active creatures. We place stock into what is DONE, rather than what isn’t done.

81. I have the privilege of not having to assume most of the household or child-care responsibilities.
This will occur only if the woman allows it.

82. I have the privilege of having not been raised with domestic responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, and washing that takes up disproportionately more time as adults.
This assumes that you were raised in such a manner, which is not always the case.
Church & Religious Traditions

83. In the Black Church, the majority of the pastoral leadership is male.
This leans more on Christian doctrine (which was introduced to the Afro-Am community by white people during slavery). Afro-Am’s are VERY loyal to certain traditions, and that is one of them that the race has COLLECTIVELY adopted.

84. In the Black Church Tradition, most of the theology has a male point of view. For example, most will assume that the man is the head of household.
Again, this has more to do with the tenants of Christian culture than male privilege. Christianity is the predominant religion in the US, and thusly, most Americans hold to this ideal, not just Afro-Am’s. This is not a privilege, because along with this “gift” of leadership comes much responsibility and expectation.
Physical Safety

85. I do not have to worry about being considered a traitor to my race if I call the police on a member of the opposite sex.
I’m not sure what black women are considered traitors for calling the police on black men. Also, men rarely call the police for women, even though they have the option to do so.

86. I have the privilege of knowing men who are physically or sexually abusive to women and yet I still call them friends.
Women have the same option. Nobody’s at an advantage, and CERTAINLY, nobody is more PRIVILEGED.

87. I can video tape women in public- often without their consent – with male complicity.
It is illegal, and you will be prosecuted if you are caught doing so.

88. I can be courteous to a person of the opposite sex that I do not know and say “Hello” or “Hi” and not fear that it will be taken as a come-on or fear being stalked because of it.
Though this is not BMP (and it doesn’t happen in ALL cases), I agree here.

89. I can use physical violence or the threat of physical violence to get what I want when other tactics fail in a relationship.
Violence is not a privilege. End of story.

90. If I get into a physical altercation with a person of the opposite sex, I will most likely be able to impose my will physically on that person.
You are also more prone to be more easily (and more harshly) legally sanctioned for doing so. I don’t see a “privilege” in physically overpowering someone without their consent.

91. I can go to parades or other public events and not worry about being physically and sexually molested by persons of the opposite sex.
It’s not right, but I agree (though not BMP).

92. I can touch and physically grope women’s bodies in public- often without their consent- with male complicity.
It’s not right, but I agree (though not BMP).

93. In general, I have the freedom to travel in the night without fear.
It’s not right, but I agree (though not BMP).


94. I am able to be out in public without fear of being sexually harassed by individuals or groups of the opposite sex.
It’s not right, but I agree (though not BMP).

Again, I don’t think this list is more of a privilege list, as much as it is tunnel vision. This is not 1950 anymore.

-B

If It Isn’t Love

Wow. I feel that every time I blog, I have to do this big re-introduction. Y’all know who I am and what I’m about! Let’s get into it!

Today, I want to talk about the effect of how you treat someone on them building an attachment to you. I have been accused of leading a lady or two on in my day, so I’ve found myself trying to break the situation down. I know the first way to totally ruin myself is to break women down to some type of scientific formula, but in the interest of not being a picture on a dart board, I think it’s worth the look. I think it’s some or all of 4 factors: what you say, how you act, a lethal combination of the two, or a concoction of their heart that is out of your control. Naively, you would like to think that it’s not your fault, as most good-natured people don’t INTEND to lead people astray. However, I heard a saying by local talk radio DJ, Tommy Tucker: the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Al Jarreau and I will delve into this and break it down. Keep in mind that I am FAR from the world’s foremost expert on the subject. It’s just my take.

1.) What you say: Let’s face it, the easiest form of analytical communication is spoken word. Words are like lines drawn in the sand. They are forever burned into the annals of history as a record of your stance on something (or maybe not. It just sounded cool and deep as I was typing). When dealing with a person of the opposite gender, what you say is becoming more and more important, especially as we begin to rely more and more on technology to bring us together. We are texting, Twittering, Facebooking, and phone calling FAR more than face-to-face’s nowadays, which leaves us relying on word choice and tone to denote our intent.

To those that may not be cunning linguists, words may be what they are: a straight-forward and inartful (thanks Barack!) means of conveying thought. What you say is what you mean, cut and dry. There’s nothing to misconstrue, nothing to take out of context. Those who present more flair with their words, however, can use their words with more of a persuasive edge to them (consciously or subconsiously). These people, I feel, are put into a deeper state of concern, because their words may accidentally lure people into areas that may bring them grief when the light shines on it. What an uncomfortable feeling to be confronted with the reality that a chair you think is yours and have begun preparing yourself to sit in isn’t yours.

With that said, I think there IS something to this notion. You simply CANNOT say whatever to whomever. Everyone is not in the same personality space (which I’ll get into later), and different words read different ways. Sometimes, the flair and depth simply MUST be toned down if you don’t want to allow for deep interpretation. If it is what it is and that’s it, your speech must reflect that. Things like pet names, excessively descriptive praise, emotional phrasing, and seductive tones can (and in most cases, will) lead the person on the other end to read more into what they’ve heard/read than may actually be there. The world seems to spare no expense with its harsh truths, and people whose words can take us away from that for a while and give us FEELINGS of pleasure and comfort draw us to them. It seems that words are NOTHING without the feelings they invoke, and are really just means to an end.

2.) What you do: Again, it would seem that this is a given. What you do is even MORE telling that what you say, because while words can sell wolf tickets, actions show intent and priority. You can TALK a good game about two opposing points of view, but your ACTIONS will determine which cause you BELIEVE in. It’s been said many times that people will put time and money into things they believe are a priority. Sometimes, this truth of human nature may burn us, while other times, it remains a beacon of hope, because without action, no progress can be made.

Carrying this forward, when spending COPIOUS amounts of time with a person of the opposite gender may lead them to get even more comfortable with you than they may have without it. When you allow them to lay their cares on your shoulder, to be their voice of nurturing and concern, to be their beam and beacon of solace, I believe there are a set of feelings that begin to form. I think this happens because, at the VERY least, we’re attached and protective of the thoughts/ideas that present us as vulnerable, and when we feel close enough to someone to share those inner vulnerable thoughts, we grow closer to the person we share them with.

In addition to the time is WHAT IS DONE with the time. When there are certain, how should I put this, affectionate actions that happen, feelings begin to develop, because like with the ideas, people put a greater value on affectionate actions on that which is not given freely. On the movie The Incredibles, the villain said “once everyone is special, then no one will be”. To bring this into the matter at hand, when you give out certain affectionate actions to ANYONE who wants it, it ceases to hold any special value. It just becomes an extension of your body to YOU, while still holding the sacred meaning to the other person. Something as “simple” as a hug isn’t JUST a hug to everybody. Things like constantly wanting to make yourself available to them and wanting to come to their rescue can send the wrong message.

3.) A lethal combination of the two: My grandfather said “listen to what a person says and watch what a person does”. These sage words still carry PLENTY of truth to them. As stated before, words can deceive, and actions can be made to tell the tale. Words not mixing with actions can really make things difficult, because it may confuse others, because they may have built up a particular view of you based on how you’ve presented yourself in word, while your actions may contradict that in very inopportune times.

When dealing with someone of the opposite gender, you can’t tailor your speech to not lead the person on, all the while, keeping up your deceptive actions. Don’t avoid talking to them outside of 5 minutes, but see nothing wrong with cuddling up with that person, I regret to inform you that you’ll more than likely STILL send that message. Likewise, you can’t ACT like the person doesn’t exist, all the while chanting sweet nothings at them when you get the chance. It’ll open the person up to the possibility that something deeper may STILL be there, so their response may still feel validated.

4.) A concoction of their heart: Bobby Byrd’s “I’m Not to Blame” just started playing. Wow. Anyway, sometimes, no matter HOW much you filter yourself and HOW much you stay away from them, they will build up whatever they want because it fits their own internal endgame. A friend of mine calls them “thirsty”, and no matter how little attention you give them, they see your attention as an opportunity. These people run on their own intentions, and nothing you can do will change it.

This one is the one a lot of people would like for it to be, because the “fault” lies in THEM, so your actions are washed clean. That way, the change need not come from YOU, but recommend help for them. However, I think in most cases, #3 is the reason we end up in the situations we do. If you are dating multiple people, you cannot issue a blanket “I’m seeing other people”, but just expect you can continue physical-ating with them like it’s all good. Likewise, you can’t figure just because you aren’t touching the person that no harm is being caused. You have no idea how attached you can grow to feel for someone you’ve never met.

I guess the new issue becomes how do you solve it? How do you not lead people on, how do you not break hearts, how do you not lead people to brew up feelings, only to be let down? Even deeper, how do you accomplish these feats when you actually DO care about people and actually DON’T want to see hurt come to them? How do you juggle the two? I’m still trying to figure THAT part out.

-B

Why You Treat Me So Bad

Since the media sensationalism and exaggeration of the man’s personal situation, I told myself I wouldn’t do a blog about Tiger Woods (and I still won’t). Even though the speculative aspects of Tiger’s personal life warrant a HUGE “C’mon, Son!”, it brought a bigger issue to mind about cheating. With the topic of cheating being brought to the forefront because of it, people are re-evaluating who cheats and why they cheat. I am not here to give a why (because I’ve already done it) or make up mythical statistical percentages to support a claim.

I can say, however, that I believe that for cheating to REMAIN successful, it takes three key elements: composure, stakes, and cooperation. With these elements established, it is my belief that women may not only cheat MORE than men, but they are more SUCCESSFUL at it. Walk with me.

Since the roles of the genders have been established, it has been a more accepted notion that men are more driven to always desire more women, including taking a venture outside of a committed relationship. This belief has been so ingrained, some women teach each other that this pattern of behavior is to be EXPECTED, and to not be surprised by it or expect the man to remain faithful. Men are often thought of as farmers, sowing seed wherever fertile breeding grounds may lie.

Women, however, are taught to be more nurturing and family-oriented. They are the more docile and monogamous of the two genders, and are quicker to seek out the relationships that will have meaning and establish longevity in their lives. They pay more attention to the emotional aspects of the relationships they establish and see so much more than the surface level. Where men are thought to be seed-sowers, women are thought to be expected to “limiting the crop to one farmer.”

There are detractors to this theory that state science, and there is a primal animal instinct for males to seek out multiple procreative partners, as to maintain the continuation of the species, while the females seek out a male partner and desire to remain faithful to that male exclusively. Although I do agree with this to a point, I will try to not make a big whoop about this (this isn’t the “why” blog entry). I believe that unlike other animals, humans have a brain that gives them the freedom of CHOICE, as opposed to hormonally being snapped into action by a change in the season or impulse.

It is also my belief that monogamy itself is a choice, and that there is nothing in humans that inherently makes us want to get into monogamous relationships. I understand that due to the Judeo-Christian belief system that a majority of people in this country believe in, the notion of a monogamous Christian family is the pronounced standard of American family values. However, our belief system is not the only one in the world, and there are other polygamist cultures in the world. Are we to say their beliefs are wrong, when we feel just as deep rooted in our faith? Since humans possess the ability to choose (just as people CHOOSE to be faithful, people CHOOSE to cheat), they must make choices they feel will best serve their beliefs.

With choice in both genders established, both are capable of stepping outside of the bounds of a committed relationship. However, I believe that a certain level of awareness in the 3 target areas of cheating success lead to a rather skewed results in the actual proportions of cheaters by gender. While it is believed that men gain more PUBLICITY from their “extra-curricular activities,” it is also believed that women cheat just as much (if not more) and are more successful at it. How could that be? Let’s see…

Composure: I have recently become a big fan of The Wire, the drama series about a fictional Baltimore drug structure and the law enforcement efforts to stop it. I say that to say that one of the keys to the success of the drug enterprise is maintaining composure. Advertising how great of a dealer you are and putting your business on the street not only makes you a bigger target for police, but rival dealers. Every ounce of business you have does not need to become public concern.

Here is where a lot of men put themselves at a flagrant disadvantage. Males are more external and ego-driven, and the allure and self-validation of having “extra” women is TOO attractive to keep it to themselves.  That kind of locker room talk plants the seed that leads to your destruction. The talk flows from men to women, eventually, and the women may talk and the business gets out in the street.

Also, this loss of composure often leads to men acting FAR more careless with their actions. This leads to them making small mistakes that give them away. Women have consistently informed me that they are creatures that are sticklers for detail and patterns, which is more dynamite in a volatile mixture.

Women, on the other hand, are more internal, and in some cases, are VERY discreet about their affairs. They get little to no gratification from just talking about your personal transgressions, because once the genie is out of the bottle, it can’t be put back in. Even if she IS cheating and it gets out, she is wiser as to who is told, and more effort is put into controlling the information.

Also, the woman’s awareness of patterns and details leads to her dedicating the time and resources into covering her tracks. Also, with men not being as into detail and patterns (in most cases), men are more likely to immediately present concerns, which the woman’s preparedness is ready for. Also, once the man’s immediate comfort level is restored, it rarely comes back. This, I believe, is because men treat women like they would treat other men, in that concerns rarely brew, due to men being in “fix-it” mode. Let’s fix the problem and be done with it and move on.

Stakes: The assumptive gender roles that have been set have led to a double standard in society. Boys are given more leniency in their pubescent years and encouraged to blossom. Girls seem to be restricted in a world full of “don’ts.” As they grow into adults, this double standard gets worse. Men can go out and have relations with ten women, and still maintain his integrity, whereas it seems as though women are cast as whores at the first sign of multiple partners. This has been a guilty admission by many people, but such is the way of this society.

Since women are taught and encouraged to maintain the “chaste maiden virgin,” they will do what they need to do to preserve their image (since it’s so one and done). They will see what needs to be done so that they’re not put amongst the many Hester Prynne’s that have had their reputations trashed, due to the admitted gender bias.

Guys, on the other hand, are more likely to throw their badge of dominance in the face of anyone who will stop, look, and listen. A lot of men who cheat because they can sometimes do so quite carelessly, because at worst, they risk losing their current relationship. It seems like more and more men feel less shame about being called “dogs” and “whores,” so they feel even LESS shame and treat the women as disposable as the façade of the relationship they build. They may adopt the Nino Brown “cancel her, I’ll buy another one” philosophy or argue the point down and do what he wants to do anyway. After all, cheating in any fashion is an act of greed, so if it’s gonna be all about you, make it ALL about you.

Cooperation From Other Half: Let me preface this by saying not all men and women are the same. With that being said, regardless of WHO is doing the cheating, cheating involves two people. This, again, is where the male vs. female instincts can serve to make it more difficult for men. Where females seem to be documented to being more prone to becoming emotional in some affair situations, most men in that situation are less emotional and more logical. This leads to women having less concern of the uncontrollable element in the other person.

If a man is having an affair with a woman, that woman may start out being content being #2, just looking to have fun or have A man in her life or whatever the reasoning is for the affair, but her emotions may kick in, and she may desire to STOP being #2 and suddenly requests to supercede the #1 woman in his life. The man may tell her there’s no way he’s leaving his “main” relationship to be with her. Once this woman’s emotional discontent with this state of affairs is mixed with her attention to details and patterns, the man has a pressure cooker on his hands. Now, the genie is out of the bottle, and this woman can raise Cain, having the intimate knowledge of the affair and knowing how to get to THE woman.

On the flip side, if a woman is having an affair with a man, that man is more likely to play his position, as he knows that he has gained access to the benefits of the affair, while relinquishing the “responsibility” of being with the woman to the main guy. He won’t wanna rock the boat and lose the “good thing” he’s got. If he DOES get out of pocket, she may simply threaten to cut him off. Even if she DOES cut him loose, most men don’t feel it worthy to wreak excess havoc. They simply adopt the “on to the next one” mindset and keep it pushin’. Very rarely does the other man raise a stink about the affair not being advanced on his terms, and if they do, you don’t hear about it.

Cheating is a very tender topic to some people. Some, because of the hurt of being cheated on, some, because of the guilt of having been a cheater, and some out of the fear of possibly being cheated on. Whatever the reason, the success of this crazy activity hinges upon the success of certain elements that may be tilted in ones favor. Whose favor? *shrug*

-B

Off the Wall

I was asked this question via Twitter a couple minutes ago:

“why are men intimidated by a woman who has her own?”

My response to this question is multifaceted. On the one hand, most guys will say it’s because you don’t need us. I agree with that to an extent. On the other hand, I think this sense of “having her own” sounds like there are more issues with the WOMAN than with the man’s inability to handle her. Let’s take this one hand at a time. Walk with me…

Yes, as a gender, men are hunter, gatherer, provider, problem solvers. Yes, men look to be able to find opportunities to take their societal relationship role and get into a position of leadership in some aspect. As the Frankie Beverly and Maze song goes, “I Want to Feel That I’m Wanted, baby, I Need to Feel That I’m Needed.” Who wants to go into a relationship with no way to positively impact the other person’s life? To a woman who has her own, we (men) cannot find a….”void” to fill in her life because she already has it. When we feel that we can’t add to you, we come to the conclusion that you don’t need us, and our romantic interest in you begins to fade away.

Also, this phrase is usually uttered by lazy men who have no drive to do for themselves, but would rather lay on the leg of the woman their with. “Get the most payoff for the least amount of work” seems to be the lazy man motto, and once they encounter a woman who requires them to WORK for her time and attention and resources, this cop out is the FIRST thing to fly out of their mouth. “You too independent”, “you too intelligent”, “you act like you’re all that”, etc. Well, I’m a firm believer that if you are operating at a particular level, and you’ve got the work track record to prove it, you’ve earned the right to be who you are. A lot of things factored into me being the intelligent man that I am, and I’m not going to sacrifice that to be with someone who feels they can’t keep pace. Women DESERVE the right to feel empowered by their success, because nowadays, a lot of men are quick to downplay it as a means of amplifying their own accomplishments. Foolish, foolish pride.

Let’s look at the flip side, though. HOW and HOW QUICKLY do I know you have your own? A woman who FLAUNTS her independence seems to be obsessed with showing us (men) that she doesn’t need anything from us. You don’t want me challenging you mentally, you read more scripture than I, you have a home, a vehicle, and money, and you make SURE I’m aware of it, so I don’t get any funny ideas during the oft misleading “up front” period.

To a real man, this kind of front bears resemblance to the Napoleon complex, because it may be a defensive compensatory move. Why is it IMPERATIVE that you make sure I know THAT aspect of you right off the bat? To me, this goes back to the human condition of acting in the polar opposite of our fears and weaknesses. I spoke to a young lady in her late 20′s who said she only dates men in their late 30′s-early 40′s why she chose that demographic, and she replied she had been in an abusive relationship with a 20-something, so she hoped that by dismissing the demographic altogether, she wouldn’t have to face that possibility again. In this situation, from women I’ve talked to who, it comes from them being misled by a man who presented a means for which she could depend on him, and ended up being manipulated because of it. In other instances, they felt like there was a more of a power shift, and they felt that they were no longer taken seriously once they stopped asserting themselves. I really wonder how much “her own” that she actually has, because if she had her own, she’d have her own MAN, too. This leads to the whole philosophy of “she’s got everything but sexual attention”, but that’s another blog.

For whatever reason that she has her own, real men are not devoid of the main thing that makes them real men: respect. No matter the person, situation, background, or circumstance, he knows how to give respect when it’s earned. When respect is present, intimidation cannot be. Real men aren’t intimidated, they’re motivated. Let’s get it!

-B

It Was. Very Good Year

It’s almost the end of 2009. Here are my top events of the year almost past. This is my personal list in no particular order:

Barack Obama inauguration
My collection of inauguration newspapers
My trip to Atlanta
2009 NEW ORLEANS SAINTS!!!
The loss of Michael Jackson
Release of my latest album, Long Live the King
Getting laid off from Lockheed Martin
The Hangover
Bill Jefferson’s conviction
Steve Harvey’s book
Twitter (souledout504)
Balloon Boy
C’MON SON!!
Expansion of my DJ equipment
Windows 7
The Sagacious Girl
Tiger Woods
Popeye’s running out of chicken
Dressing as “Red”
Swine flu
Moving out
Bernie Madoff
Octo-Mom
Getting my iPhone, Summer
Kanye @ the VMA’s
Health care town halls across the country
Real Housewives of Atlanta
Drake
Loss of Steve McNair
The Amanda Knox trial
The guy with 21 children and a minimum wage job
My abandonment of Blackplanet/Myspace/POF/etc…
Michael Phelps
Pirates
Being hired as the Alpha National Convention DJ
New job
Up in 3-D
Fort Hood massacre
The Princess & the Frog (1st black princess)
Steelers win the Super Bowl
Loss of Ted Kennedy
Economic Stimulus Bill
LSU loses to Ole Miss and I cheer
Mark Sanford’s affair
Obama’s Nobel Prize
David Letterman’s affair
Sarah Palin quitting, I mean resigning
The Beer Summit
Joe Wilson’s “you lie!!” outburst
EXPLOSION of iPhone apps
Twilight mania
Conan takes over The Tonight Show from Jay Leno
GameAttack!!!
Old School in, Cake Lady out
Kobe wins without Shaq
Rihanna/Chris Brown
My personal introduction to The Office (Jim and Pam got married!), The Wire, and Monk
Monk series ends
Lil Wayne/T.I. jailed
A-Rod steroids

Bring on twenty ten!!

-B

The Lady in My Life

“…and I don’t know how you do it, making love out of nothing at all…”

Women…women….women…

Sometimes, I just can’t understand you to save my life. I do my best to be as objective as I can, see your point of view, accept the shortcomings of men, listen, question, analyze, etc., hoping to make sense of what it is to be with you. Ugh…

“What you won’t do, you do for love. You’ve tried everything, but you don’t give up…”

This classic musical snippet may have nothing to do with the blog, but I don’t care. Bobby Caldwell hit it with that one…

As some of you know, I have taken the essential step of adulthood and left the nest. This is both a blessing and challenge. I love every day of it. I feel that true feeling of independence, and my mind has been able to focus on getting my life straight, so that the rest of my life can come together.

As with most praise reports, you want to share the good news with friends. Sharing this news is not only a blessing to report, but it’s also nice to have the support of my friends as I move forward int personal development. My male friends big me up, give me the physical or textual fist bump, and we keep it moving. I know my army continues marching with me.

Some of my female associates/friends are a different story, altogether. I tell them I have my own place. Their response:

“who are you living with/you don’t have a woman tucked away/you got married?/so you got a woman now?”

NOWHERE did ANY of these topics come up before I stated my status update, and nowhere did they indicate such a concern before I said this. How? Why? When? What?

How in the world do you equate a man moving out of his parents’ house just to run into a home with a woman? Is there some ingrained female motivation in every step a man takes? The woman who thinks so is giving herself too much credit.

Why do women feel that the weights and frustrations they hang on men outweigh their own transgressions to the point of not needing to be mentioned? A dude jumps the gun and frustrates a woman with sexual innuendo, his face is on a Wanted poster. This happens, it’s supposed to be “they way women are”? Ummmmm, I’m gonna say no. This is just as aggravating/frustrating. Just like there is more to a woman than her body parts, there is more to my life than me (not) having a girlfriend/wife.

When did women feel so inclined to use unrelated convo topics to ask if a man is married? Getting married is a pretty large step, and one I would wager to not overstep just to mention I moved out. Me telling you that I moved out should tell you that I will tell you what I want you to know, and if you don’t hear me bring it up, then as far as you’re concerned, it’s nothing worth bringing up. Stop asking.

What goes through a woman’s mind when she crafts these bold unrelated statements/assumptions? There have been times that women have made these statements, as I would continue on, as if I am in silent agreement. If you feel as confident in the assumption as to introduce it without provocation, then who am I to tell you’re wrong? At that point, your assumption has already taken the power of introduction from me, so keep it.

I say it time and time again. My issue is not with the things women have against men. Just take the same ownership we do. Then again, I don’t wanna say. I want you to make the adjustments you think you should make. I would love to see how you change without direction.

Then again, they said…

-B

Penny Lover

Gifts. Gifts. Gifts. Things of value that are given, blah blah blah. I wanted some kind of intellectual way to jump into this, but nothing’s coming to mind.

I am not speaking on the aspect of gifts themselves, but I am saying is it ever a good idea NOT to accept a gift, and if so, when do u get there?

I think, mostly, these issues fall into 2 categories: gifts from people you don’t want to build with and people who give conditional gifts. This can also be combined with the urge to benefit from the gift with the loophole, which I’ll get into later. This kenetic chain of causation, preparedness, and reaction can lead to more burden than the benefit of the gift.

The first issue is the source of the gift. If you know you don’t like the person like that, you have a RESPONSIBILITY to reject the gift and let that person know. I hear from so many women that they don’t wanna hurt the man’s feelings that they allow themselves to dig deeper into the trench. From a gift giver’s point of view, your acceptance of the gift tells me that you like me enough to accept the gift, in addition to liking the gift itself. If I don’t light your fire, let me know, so I can give the gift back, get my money back, and everyone’s even.

The next curveball comes when a gift is given conditionally, with the intent to keep the person on the hook for a favor to be redeemed later. Yes, I’m sure we all know that the textbook definition of a gift is to be given WITHOUT strings attached, but realists know this is not often te case. Sure, this is a double-edged sword, but in the world ofthe emotionally competitive, things are rarely as they seem.

Then, there’s the loophole: someone accepts a gift, seeing the road signs down the street. They love the gift, and all its advantages, but when the return is expected, the loophole of “you didn’t HAVE TO give me a gift” is thrown up. Somehow, this loophole is aimed at shifting culpability to the gift giver. Had (s)he simply not given the gift, this issue would not exist. This way, the gift receiver keeps all of the gift, while getting off the hook on being required to provide any returns.

This cocky reponse may start more fires than it extinguishes, though. Some may tear into it like wet paper, while some may see the carnivorous nature of the person and cut them off. People who are known to e quick to receive and slow to give are often societally red flagged.

All thisto say watch out for the “free lunch”. Things are RARELY completely free of charge nowadays, so please take caution when a gift is offered to u. Note the source and the gift’s background.

-B

Bad

Essence, Ebony, Cosmo, Mademoiselle. All these fashion/lifestyle magazines that preach about how to make a man do this/that, how to tell what a man is thinking/doing, etc. Women adhering to the messages ad conclusions sent out, with the intent of getting/keeping a man. I believe that this frame of mind not only leads down a course of action that in most cases DOESN’T work (told to me by the women who read these articles), but it promotes a frame of mind that is less honest with herself and promotes people pleasing.

I’m a firm believer that you know how you operate better than anybody on Earth. No matter who you are and how much we aspire to become better, we will never become perfect. I also believe that if you are dealing with someone, the best way to deal with other people is the best way you can, all while being honest with yourself. Allowing a magazine to find different ways of attempting to mail the same message every month in different envelopes serves to not only confuse, but to disallusion.

Even greater than that, I think the greatest problem comes in when dealing with the man you have your eyes on. If you are completely changing yourself and you habits based on a 2 page article in a magazine to get a man, what will happen when you get him? Do you stop what got you there, or do you keep the charade going? What happens when magazine advice conflicts with another mag? What do you do when you get yourself deep, and the man throws a curve not covered in the article?

I think the statistics and tests in these magazines do more harm than help. Yes, the magazines have a rich cultural history, and yes, the advice in the mags can be somewhat useful to open ur eyes, but again, moderation is key. Too many people look for a quick fix in these articles, and of course, those sand castles wash away. Bottom line, belief in yourself will outweigh multiple choice personality and compatibility tests.

-B

Mr. Heartbreak

I don’t wanna get over, I just wanna know

When is a good time to say “I’m sorry”?
Have you spoiled goodness beyond repair
Eating baked cakes before feeding yourself
Ruining your appetite for proper nourishment

How do you stop caring with a heart so large?
Where is the switch that activates apathy
To drop your concern at a moment’s notice

When does confidence cross over to arrogance?
When does belief in self go too far
Is it in the beholder’s eye, or a part of you
Does scaling back denote the sacrifice of self

What do you do when desire outweighs preparation?
Knowing what you want, but knowing you’re not ready
Is it a lie to allow your desires to live?

Why consider stopping when going feels so good?
The fire inside making you want to be more
Only to hear that you need to pump your brakes
How long can you “do you” at the expense of others
Caught in the grips of power and the future

How can you consider patience on a hot streak?
With all going well, suddenly told to stop cold
When the bulk of facts present, you wanna go
Are these healthy comments detractions or prophecies

How hard does one go to be “right”?
How far to go just to see the other side concede
Is being right worth it or diminishing returns
A monument to nothing but “you were right”
Does making others submit have a price tag

I’m not criticizing. I just wanna know.

-B

Groove Me

Song titles/lyrics that wrap up how I’m feeling:

-with a child’s heart, nothing’s gonna get me down
-hold me closer, tiny dancer
-I’ll be there to protect you with an unselfish love that respects you
-I don’t wanna stay here in this big ol’ house all by myself…
-I hook up with this taboo love and time freeze like…
-this is it…here I stand…I’m the light of the world, I feel grand…
-the Saints are coming!!!!!
-I’d love to spend more time, but I so many things to do
-people think I’m crazy cause I worry all the time/if you paid attention, you’d be worried, too…
-there have been others, but never two lovers like music and me…

-B