Since the media sensationalism and exaggeration of the man’s personal situation, I told myself I wouldn’t do a blog about Tiger Woods (and I still won’t). Even though the speculative aspects of Tiger’s personal life warrant a HUGE “C’mon, Son!”, it brought a bigger issue to mind about cheating. With the topic of cheating being brought to the forefront because of it, people are re-evaluating who cheats and why they cheat. I am not here to give a why (because I’ve already done it) or make up mythical statistical percentages to support a claim.
I can say, however, that I believe that for cheating to REMAIN successful, it takes three key elements: composure, stakes, and cooperation. With these elements established, it is my belief that women may not only cheat MORE than men, but they are more SUCCESSFUL at it. Walk with me.
Since the roles of the genders have been established, it has been a more accepted notion that men are more driven to always desire more women, including taking a venture outside of a committed relationship. This belief has been so ingrained, some women teach each other that this pattern of behavior is to be EXPECTED, and to not be surprised by it or expect the man to remain faithful. Men are often thought of as farmers, sowing seed wherever fertile breeding grounds may lie.
Women, however, are taught to be more nurturing and family-oriented. They are the more docile and monogamous of the two genders, and are quicker to seek out the relationships that will have meaning and establish longevity in their lives. They pay more attention to the emotional aspects of the relationships they establish and see so much more than the surface level. Where men are thought to be seed-sowers, women are thought to be expected to “limiting the crop to one farmer.”
There are detractors to this theory that state science, and there is a primal animal instinct for males to seek out multiple procreative partners, as to maintain the continuation of the species, while the females seek out a male partner and desire to remain faithful to that male exclusively. Although I do agree with this to a point, I will try to not make a big whoop about this (this isn’t the “why” blog entry). I believe that unlike other animals, humans have a brain that gives them the freedom of CHOICE, as opposed to hormonally being snapped into action by a change in the season or impulse.
It is also my belief that monogamy itself is a choice, and that there is nothing in humans that inherently makes us want to get into monogamous relationships. I understand that due to the Judeo-Christian belief system that a majority of people in this country believe in, the notion of a monogamous Christian family is the pronounced standard of American family values. However, our belief system is not the only one in the world, and there are other polygamist cultures in the world. Are we to say their beliefs are wrong, when we feel just as deep rooted in our faith? Since humans possess the ability to choose (just as people CHOOSE to be faithful, people CHOOSE to cheat), they must make choices they feel will best serve their beliefs.
With choice in both genders established, both are capable of stepping outside of the bounds of a committed relationship. However, I believe that a certain level of awareness in the 3 target areas of cheating success lead to a rather skewed results in the actual proportions of cheaters by gender. While it is believed that men gain more PUBLICITY from their “extra-curricular activities,” it is also believed that women cheat just as much (if not more) and are more successful at it. How could that be? Let’s see…
Composure: I have recently become a big fan of The Wire, the drama series about a fictional Baltimore drug structure and the law enforcement efforts to stop it. I say that to say that one of the keys to the success of the drug enterprise is maintaining composure. Advertising how great of a dealer you are and putting your business on the street not only makes you a bigger target for police, but rival dealers. Every ounce of business you have does not need to become public concern.
Here is where a lot of men put themselves at a flagrant disadvantage. Males are more external and ego-driven, and the allure and self-validation of having “extra” women is TOO attractive to keep it to themselves. That kind of locker room talk plants the seed that leads to your destruction. The talk flows from men to women, eventually, and the women may talk and the business gets out in the street.
Also, this loss of composure often leads to men acting FAR more careless with their actions. This leads to them making small mistakes that give them away. Women have consistently informed me that they are creatures that are sticklers for detail and patterns, which is more dynamite in a volatile mixture.
Women, on the other hand, are more internal, and in some cases, are VERY discreet about their affairs. They get little to no gratification from just talking about your personal transgressions, because once the genie is out of the bottle, it can’t be put back in. Even if she IS cheating and it gets out, she is wiser as to who is told, and more effort is put into controlling the information.
Also, the woman’s awareness of patterns and details leads to her dedicating the time and resources into covering her tracks. Also, with men not being as into detail and patterns (in most cases), men are more likely to immediately present concerns, which the woman’s preparedness is ready for. Also, once the man’s immediate comfort level is restored, it rarely comes back. This, I believe, is because men treat women like they would treat other men, in that concerns rarely brew, due to men being in “fix-it” mode. Let’s fix the problem and be done with it and move on.
Stakes: The assumptive gender roles that have been set have led to a double standard in society. Boys are given more leniency in their pubescent years and encouraged to blossom. Girls seem to be restricted in a world full of “don’ts.” As they grow into adults, this double standard gets worse. Men can go out and have relations with ten women, and still maintain his integrity, whereas it seems as though women are cast as whores at the first sign of multiple partners. This has been a guilty admission by many people, but such is the way of this society.
Since women are taught and encouraged to maintain the “chaste maiden virgin,” they will do what they need to do to preserve their image (since it’s so one and done). They will see what needs to be done so that they’re not put amongst the many Hester Prynne’s that have had their reputations trashed, due to the admitted gender bias.
Guys, on the other hand, are more likely to throw their badge of dominance in the face of anyone who will stop, look, and listen. A lot of men who cheat because they can sometimes do so quite carelessly, because at worst, they risk losing their current relationship. It seems like more and more men feel less shame about being called “dogs” and “whores,” so they feel even LESS shame and treat the women as disposable as the façade of the relationship they build. They may adopt the Nino Brown “cancel her, I’ll buy another one” philosophy or argue the point down and do what he wants to do anyway. After all, cheating in any fashion is an act of greed, so if it’s gonna be all about you, make it ALL about you.
Cooperation From Other Half: Let me preface this by saying not all men and women are the same. With that being said, regardless of WHO is doing the cheating, cheating involves two people. This, again, is where the male vs. female instincts can serve to make it more difficult for men. Where females seem to be documented to being more prone to becoming emotional in some affair situations, most men in that situation are less emotional and more logical. This leads to women having less concern of the uncontrollable element in the other person.
If a man is having an affair with a woman, that woman may start out being content being #2, just looking to have fun or have A man in her life or whatever the reasoning is for the affair, but her emotions may kick in, and she may desire to STOP being #2 and suddenly requests to supercede the #1 woman in his life. The man may tell her there’s no way he’s leaving his “main” relationship to be with her. Once this woman’s emotional discontent with this state of affairs is mixed with her attention to details and patterns, the man has a pressure cooker on his hands. Now, the genie is out of the bottle, and this woman can raise Cain, having the intimate knowledge of the affair and knowing how to get to THE woman.
On the flip side, if a woman is having an affair with a man, that man is more likely to play his position, as he knows that he has gained access to the benefits of the affair, while relinquishing the “responsibility” of being with the woman to the main guy. He won’t wanna rock the boat and lose the “good thing” he’s got. If he DOES get out of pocket, she may simply threaten to cut him off. Even if she DOES cut him loose, most men don’t feel it worthy to wreak excess havoc. They simply adopt the “on to the next one” mindset and keep it pushin’. Very rarely does the other man raise a stink about the affair not being advanced on his terms, and if they do, you don’t hear about it.
Cheating is a very tender topic to some people. Some, because of the hurt of being cheated on, some, because of the guilt of having been a cheater, and some out of the fear of possibly being cheated on. Whatever the reason, the success of this crazy activity hinges upon the success of certain elements that may be tilted in ones favor. Whose favor? *shrug*
-B
Posted by souledout504 
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